To Apologize
by rizandace
Summary: Dr. Cox really doesn't care what people think of him. No, honestly, he doesn't. Dr. Cox confronts a fuming Carla and a distant JD. No slash. T for mild swearing.


**Author's Note: My recent obsession with Scrubs has centered on a fascination with the character of Dr. Cox. Now, this story is going to be a bit heavier than the over-all humor of the actual sitcom. I wouldn't exactly call it angst, but it is very speculative. It focuses on Dr. Cox's relationship with JD and a bit with Carla. I've never written a Scrubs FF before, so procede with caution. And _please_ drop a review? Pretty please?**

* * *

As long as Dr. Cox had worked at the hospital, he had yelled at a lot of people. The usual procedure was this:

"You are such an incompetent little _ _-_ and I can't believe you didn't _ _ _!" Fill in the blanks.

Then, the poor intern/resident/anybody standing around on the receiving end of Perry's wrath, would turn around with a look of abject terror on his or her face, and flail away in the other direction.

The thing was, Dr. Perry Cox didn't give a damn about the doctors he worked with. Very few people that had passed through this hospital had earned his respect. There were exceptions. Namely, Carla. And now, to the horror of the infallible Doctor, some little newbie punk was weaseling his way in to his good graces.

Whatever. John Dorian was just a kid, no different than the rest. Well, he was a _little_ different from the rest. Considering that _usually, _when he paged a lowly little resident to help him with a patient, that said lowly little resident actually bothered to show _up_.

"Hey, Carla, have you seen Shirley?"

"You mean Bambi?" Carla replied, cocking a hip as she rifled through some files behind the nurse's desk.

"Huh. Bambi. That's a good one," Dr. Cox mused, lifting an eyebrow. "Yeah. Where is Newbie? I paged him a good five minutes ago. I wanted his help on Mr. Mathers."

Carla looked up from her paperwork, and for the first time, Dr. Cox noticed something. The nurse was _angry_.

"Can I ask you something, Perry?" Carla demanded.

Dr. Cox said nothing, staring patiently at this woman that he was still half-in-love with, waiting for her to deliver his death sentence.

"You paged JD, correct?" she asked.

A nod.

"And so then he didn't show up in what you deemed a timely manner."

Another nod, this one a little cautious.

"So… why didn't you just page another doctor?"

Perry coughed. "Excuse me?"

"Well," Carla demanded. "What is _with_ your insistence on letting Bambi help with _all _of your patients? Why not thrown Eliot a bone, or one of the other medical residents hanging out around here? All of them could benefit from your oh-so-wise experience."

Dr. Cox was a bit confused. It seemed an odd reason to be mad… so what if he favored Newbie the tiniest bit? Truth was, not that he'd _ever_ be caught dead admitting this, JD was a great doctor, and someone he felt he could really trust, and even respect.

"Okay, not that I wouldn't_ love_ to stop and chit-chat," Dr. Cox cut in, stopping the still-fuming nurse in her tracks and turning on his sarcasm-radar, "but I actually have work to do. Where's Newbie?"

Carla gave an exasperated eye-roll. "Just admit to me that he's the only doctor you'd trust with some of your more difficult patients."

"Never."

"Admit that he's the only guy you want working with you when you're on call in the ICU tonight."

Perry rubbed a hand over his face wearily. "Look, sweetheart, is there a _point_ anywhere in our future? Where the hell is my protégé? _I need help with a damn patient! _End of story."

"JD's not here," Carla said cooly.

"Excuse me?"

"JD. Is not. Here," Carla repeated through clenched teeth.

"Well, where the hell is he, then?"

"He's at home. Sick."

"Um…" Dr. Cox stared at Carla for a moment, gauging her expression. "Alright then, that's inconvenient timing. He seemed perfectly fine yesterday."

Carla glared. Perry gulped. "Why on earth does that make you mad at me?" he said.

"Oh, for God's _sake_, Perry! JD's not sick!"

Okay, so now things were getting _really_ confusing. "But – didn't you just say…"

"He wanted to come in," Carla said, turning her back on Dr. Cox and rifling through folders too quickly to possibly see what she was looking at. "But Turk and I decided it would be best for him to crash at home for a day. Eliot's taking over his shift. He can come in tomorrow."

Dr. Cox was still confused, but one thing about that rant stuck out to him. "Tomorrow's my day off."

"And?" Carla said, still the ice queen for some unknown reason.

"Newbie and I take the same day off," Dr. Cox stated, as though this should be obvious.

"Well, not _this_ week, you don't," Carla said, a demanding edge making her voice sound hard. "And what's with your dependence on him?"

Dr. Cox scoffed. "I am _so_ far from dependent. In fact, if you were to try to show me "dependent," I wouldn't be able to even spot it off in the distance. The fact that you would even suggest to me that I could be dependent on some annoying little she-child is ridiculously – "

"JD's not here because of yesterday," Carla interrupted harshly.

"Why? What was yesterday?" Dr. Cox asked, uncomfortable about being cut off from a rant.

"Even you aren't _that_ stupid," Carla said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

* * *

_The previous day_

"Newbie, maybe I didn't make this clear to you – when I asked you to check on a patient for me, I expected that you would actually _do _that for me. I don't know, maybe that's simply too much to ask for someone as pathetically incompetent as you."

"Dr. Cox – " JD attempted to interrupt.

"No, no, Annabell, I think we should let _me_ do the talking. Sound good? Well, super. I know you can't be a superhero, Newbie, but what I _did_ think you could be was at least half-way capable of completing the _simplest of all tasks_ for me!"

"Dr. Cox, I was covering three of your other patients, and I just – "

"_Oh_, so now this is _my_ fault?"

Standing around this scene were a handful of interns, a few of JD's colleagues, including Eliot, and Dr. Kelso. A few feet away, an open doorway led to the room of a long-term patient of JD's. The screaming match had an audience. Although it wasn't much of a match, since Dr. Cox wouldn't let his inferior get a word in edgewise.

"Tell you what, _doctor_," Perry said, a vicious bite to his words that had even Kelso cowering in his boots. "When you prove to me that you're actually fit to be here, maybe you can earn by respect back."

"What? Wait a sec, look – I made a mistake, and I'm sorry, but it was just – "

"Oh, wait, I'm so sorry," Dr. Cox chuckled, that bitingly sarcastic tone back and at its strongest. "Did I say earn my respect _back?_ Because that would imply that you ever had even the tiniest shred of my respect in the first place. Now, do us all a favor, Newbie, and get the hell out of my sight."

JD stared for a second and then turned on his heels, past a shell-shocked Eliot and an embarrassed looking crowd of doctors and patients, all staring with a new dose of fear at Dr. Cox.

* * *

"Okay, so I was a little rough on the kid. What's the big deal?" Perry had yelled at JD before. _Plenty_ of times. In fact, ragging on the kid was practically part of his daily routine here. He wasn't sure why this particular incident would draw the fury of Carla, but since she was one of his only friends in this damn place, he decided to hear her out.

"Did you mean it?" Carla asked, her voice surprisingly low.

"Honey, I rarely say anything but exactly what I mean."

Carla nodded, a look on her face that Dr. Cox could not identify. Disappointment?

"JD's strong. He was going to come in to work today, but I figured it was best for your safety that he stayed home."

"What are you talking about?" Perry asked, exasperated. He knew that his patients could do without him for a few minutes, but Carla's behavior was draining him, bit by bit.

"If he had come in and you had acted like nothing was different – if you had said _one mean thing_ to my Bambi, I might have had to beat you to a pulp."

"You're going to have to throw me a lifeline, because I don't know _what_ in God's green earth you're talking about."

Carla opened her mouth to speak, and then slammed it shut. She wordlessly grabbed Dr. Cox and pulled him into an empty supply closet.

"Honey, if you're planning on finally hitting this, don't you think we should do it a little further away from your Surgical Stud of a boyfriend?"

"Oh, shut up, Perry, and let me talk."

"Fine, go right on ahead," he said, giving her a sleazy grin.

"Imagine that your hero stood up in front of all of your friends and your patient, and told you that he didn't respect you – told you, basically, that he thought you were a good-for-nothing poor excuse for a doctor and for a human being."

"Whoa, now _wait_ just a minute. First of all – "

"I wasn't done," Carla interjected. "God knows why, Perry, but JD craves your approval more than anything in this damn place. Kissing up to Kelso or to some of the higher-ups in here could get him a promotion, but he doesn't do it. He only wants _your_ respect. And you can't let your pride go for just one second and show him that you think he's a brilliant doctor."

"That's not how I do things! I don't just hand out compliments!" Dr. Cox shouted. This was three shades past ridiculous. First of all, why would _anybody_ pick _him_ as their hero? "If JD's anywhere _near_ the doctor I think he is, he wouldn't be hiding at home right now! He'd face me head on and let it go."

"Weren't you _listening_?" Carla demanded. "He wanted to come in. I told him not to. Perry, I hate to break it to you, but you broke the kid. You've yelled at him before, sure. But deep down, JD always believed that the reason you picked on him so much was because you actually cared about him more than the others. Cared about him _at all._ Now, all of a sudden, you've put a seed of doubt in his head that's going to be impossible to eradicate. All of a sudden, the poor kid thinks that _perhaps_ the reason you're constantly on his case is because you really do hate him as much as you say you do."

For a sickening minute, there was silence. "I've never told him I hated him."

"And you don't," Carla insisted.

"Of course I don't."

"You think he's damn good."

"Well, why the hell else would I pick on him so much?"

"You know, Perry, I've seen you go through seven cycles of new interns since I started working here, and never once have you picked out one kid to be your assistant the way you did with JD. You think he's got something. You think he's got potential. And I think he really wanted to believe that you respected him, all this time. But now he has no reason to hold on to that hope."

There was the silence again. "Why the _hell_ would that poor kid want to end up like _me_?" Dr. Cox wondered out loud.

"Beats me," Carla said. "The point is, when JD comes in tomorrow, you will not be mentioning this conversation to him. I will not be involved. It's up to _you_ to fix this."

"Tomorrow's my day off," Cox said as Carla sauntered to the door of the supply closet and swung it open.

"Oh, you'll be here," Carla insisted, slamming the door in Perry's face.

_Damn_. And so he would.

* * *

"Hey, Newbie," Dr. Cox yelled down the hall. He whistled through his teeth like he was calling for a dog. JD showed only a moment's surprise that his mentor was here on what was supposed to be his day off.

Then, trudging down the hall with considerably less spunk than he usually had, he approached Dr. Cox.

"Yes?" JD asked.

"I need your help with Mr. Mathers in room 214."

"Okay."

Dr. Cox didn't care what people thought of him. He really didn't. So why on earth was the silence between them in Mr. Mather's room so damn awkward?

"Nice job," Perry said listlessly, as JD correctly interpreted the illness and set to work on filling out a form for the nurses. They'd need to start Mr. Mathers on an IV drip immediately.

"Oh, now don't do that," JD said, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head back and forth.

"Don't do what?" Dr. Cox replied, clearing his throat.

"Compliment me on something that's obvious. You've never once paid me a compliment for anything, even when I do something really good. There's no way in hell I wanted your fake compliment now, just because Carla told you to play nice."

"Okay, now wait just a second – Carla has _nothing_ to do with this."

"Oh, so she didn't talk to you?" JD demanded.

Perry hesitated. "That's not really the point."

JD nodded, expressionless. "Page me if you need anything, Doctor."

And he was gone.

Dr. Cox didn't care what people thought of him. He _certainly_ didn't care what some meaningless Newbie thought of him. He certainly didn't care about how much it hurt to be at odds with Doctor John Dorian.

"Aw, Hell," Perry muttered. "Oh, Shirley?" He called down the hall, setting a brisk pace after JD. He whistled again. "Hey, Newbie, wait up." Still, no response. Now, there was no way in hell he was going to be caught chasing somebody down the hallway. "_Newbie!_" He yelled again. The boy stubbornly kept up his purposeful stride down the hall. Dr. Cox heaved a great sigh. "JD?" he tried.

And magically, JD stopped. He turned. And he walked back toward Dr. Cox, who was standing in the middle of the hall, his hands in his pockets.

"Did you just call me JD?" he asked, disbelief coloring his tone.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Need your hearing checked, there, Betsy?"

JD rolled his eyes. "Guess it was too much to hope that you would take me seriously for once." And he turned and started to walk away again.

Dr. Cox grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "Shut it and listen for a minute, kid."

JD froze. Dr. Cox looked genuinely sincere, and that was always a cause for worry. "Yeah?"

"Look, if you're half the man that I _know_ you are, you'll stop caring so much what I think of you and grow the hell up."

Seriously, though, Perry had been all set to apologize. He had been ready to knock his ego down a few pegs and take a hit for the sake of his – shudder – _friendship_ with JD. But something about the damn kid just made him so _angry_. If he was being totally honest with himself, it horrified him that JD wanted to be like him. He wouldn't subject his lonely and meaningless personal life on his worst enemy. He hated himself.

"Oh, really?" JD started. He spent a second or two opening and closing his mouth like a fish, but for once Dr. Cox didn't interrupt. "Well – well, maybe you could thaw that organ in your chest that passes for a heart enough that you could actually admit that you were a complete _jerk_ to me yesterday."

"Oh, I'm not hiding the fact that I was a jerk," Perry said, calmly staring at his fingernails.

"Well, you know what?" JD tried again. "If I could stop caring what the hell you thought of me as a doctor and as a person, I would. But I can't. You're the best doctor in this place, and your opinion matters to me. So excuse _me_ if I don't bounce right back from learning the horrifying truth about what you _actually_ think about me. I guess I shouldn't have been so naïve. I mean, you told me from the beginning that I was nothing but an annoyance to you."

They had begun to attract a crowd. Dr. Cox could practically feel the steam rising out of his own ears. "Oh, for God's _sake_, Newbie. Why do you think I always page _you_ when I need someone? Why do you think I _let_ you ramble on for more than a few seconds when you're telling me some petty and stupid problem? Why do I do you _favors_? Do you see me doing that for anybody else? I didn't realize that you were such a crybaby that one bad word from me could send you home in a puddle of depression. I'm not entirely comfortable with having that sort of power. But even _you_ aren't so stupid that you can't tell what I actually think of you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Dr. Cox could see Carla standing just around the corner, staring intently at the scene.

"What are you trying to say?" JD demanded harshly.

"That I'm _sorry_, you dumbass!"

And… there it was. That stupid silence again. JD broke it.

"And?"

"You are _so_ not making this easy," Dr. Cox said reluctantly. "_And_, I think you're a great doctor."

JD stared for a moment, cocked his head to the side, and then nodded slightly. "Okay. You're forgiven."

Ugh. How demeaning. Being _forgiven_ by the Newbie, for Christ's sake. JD turned to walk down the hall.

"Oh, and Newbie?" Dr. Cox said.

"Hm?"

"Three things: One, don't expect to ever hear those particular words out of my mouth again. Two, I will _never_, under _any_ circumstance, call you JD ever again. And three, I believe that Mr. Mathers still needs that IV drip installed. What, are you going to _telepathically_ inform the nurses what you need from them? Jesus, Newbie, get a move on."

JD smiled that ridiculous smile of his and stared off into the distance, as he often did when he was thinking. Thinking _what_, exactly, Dr. Cox would never know.

Then, the giddy kid skipped off down the hall and around the corner like he had just been given a full bucket full of Halloween candy.

Carla stepped out from the corner and approached Dr. Cox, who was breathing a bit unsteadily.

"You know what, Perry?" she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What? You told me so?"

"No." She leaned forward to speak into his ear. "I'm proud of you." And she kissed his cheek.

That may have made the whole thing worth it.

* * *

**AN: Well? Was it any good? Please review and tell me what you thought!**


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